Stalkers would post my full name, my phone number, my social media accounts - and even my address, driver’s license number, make/model of my car, and license plate number. And if they did care, they usually left because who would want to be with someone all of their friends had seen naked? I’ve lost so many people in my life in one way or another from the video. It was a double standard - if they didn’t care, it would bother me because they should care. I’ve gone on several dates just to be left when I told them the truth. I found out my childhood best friend was sending the link out to people from school. He sent them to my 17 year old step brother. He would wake my mom up at 3, 4, 5 AM with screenshots. And when I finally did find the strength to leave, he actually did it. I was blackmailed into staying in an abusive relationship because my ex threatened to send the link to my family and siblings if I ever left him. Each time I would attempt to reinvent myself - new hair, new city, it didn’t matter. That’s when I would lose my first job because of GDP. I was harassed 24/7 by old classmates, strangers on the internet, even a few customers from my job recognized me. The stress of knowing people know, wondering who doesn’t know, and hiding piled up and eventually everything fell apart. I was in a small program, and reputation was everything. For three days my video stayed on the front page. And yet there I was, exposed on front page, the most popular porn site on the internet. I would have never consented to having a video of me on pornhub, ever. I got out of the shower and had over a 100 text messages and missed calls on my phone, and that’s when I knew. I remember getting ready to go to a concert one night. Months passed before I heard anything about the video. You don’t tell anyone what happened, not the police, not your friends, not your family, because what if everyone found out? You made that choice to go to California, didn’t you? So you bury it and pretend it never happened, and as far as you know, you’ll never hear about it again. They throw this money at you, and you’re free to go. “Do you know what a facial is?” I didn’t. They switch again, and then abandon the sex all together. They switch angles so you can’t see my face. Think of the most disgusting thing you’ve ever done. It’s been awhile, so it only comes in flashes. They tell you exactly what to say if you won’t say what they want you to. Why? This isn’t modeling at all! They give you a little script for your pre-interview. “I am not under the influence and I consent to the filming.” Dre will offer to smoke with you, Johnathan will offer you a drink, before you know it, they’ve got cameras out and they’re recording you. No one will ever know, right? And then you can go home and pretend it never happened. So maybe you thought that this will all be okay. You’re all alone, surrounded by people you don’t know, and you only have one choice. I knew nothing about the industry before this, how was I to know I was being naive? If you refuse, they tell you you’ll have to reimburse them for the flight/hotels. He’ll convince you that no one will ever see it, it’s for Australia/foreign markets only, it’s only released on DVDs, etc. They email you plane tickets and hotel reservations worth over a $1000, and then they get you excited to be in California (I’d never been) and to be on the beach, and go shopping, and you don’t even stop to think that maybe this isn’t just a modeling gig after all. They don’t have to convince you to shoot an adult film, they just have to convince you to fly to California and they’ve already won. A fake website, fake references from “past models”, the entire premise is a lie. From the minute Johnathan contacted me, I was lied to repeatedly, manipulated, and coerced into filming. One day, I answered an ad for “” and after that, my life would never the same. I never wanted to be a model, it was just convenient because jobs were hard to come by in the city, especially without a car. I started answering modeling ads on craigslist for some extra cash, because even with my scholarship, my schooling and living expenses downtown were extremely, extremely expensive. Going to art school, I began to model for a lot of fellow students and friends. I moved 1,000 miles from home and chased after my dream. I’d always wanted to pursue production design in film, and now I could. My near-perfect ACT score landed me a scholarship worth $44,000 to Columbia. Even more than that, I had passion and dreams and a whole life ahead of me. Before GDP, I was a normal college freshman.
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